I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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