i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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