Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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