and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
