I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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