Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
