He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
