Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
