Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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