it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
