but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just invented taco cereal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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