Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
