I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
