i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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