What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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