HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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