I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
