On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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