Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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