We need to rekindle our bromance
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
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