its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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