Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
