Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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