I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I pour the whiskey from now on
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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