My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
