Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
