Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
