Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
