***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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