only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
