This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
