It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
