just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
