doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
two words: eviction party
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
