Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
