Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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