What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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