I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
