you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
