Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
