I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my shit smells like andre
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
