My pussy is not your playground.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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