even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
