My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
