you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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