I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
