drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
