i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
