Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
