My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
